Can we fix it?!

Men are often accused of trying to "fix" things in relationships rather than just listening. This tendency can be frustrating for partners who feel unheard or unsupported. However, there are several reasons why men may have this instinct.

First, many men are socialized to believe that their value lies in their ability to solve problems. From a young age, boys are often encouraged to be strong and independent and to fix things when they go wrong. This can lead to a tendency to approach all situations, including relationships, as problems to be solved.

Second, men often want to protect their partners from harm or discomfort. When a partner is upset or distressed, many men may feel a sense of urgency to do something to alleviate the problem. This can manifest as an impulse to offer advice or suggestions, even when their partner just wants to be heard.

Third, men may feel uncomfortable with emotional conversations. Many men are not socialized to be comfortable with emotions, particularly their own. When faced with a partner who is upset, a man may feel anxious or unsure of what to do. Offering solutions can feel like a way to regain a sense of control over the situation.

So, what can be done to address this tendency? First, it's important for men to recognize that sometimes, their partner just wants to be heard. Active listening, in which the listener focuses on the speaker's words and emotions without trying to offer solutions, can be a powerful tool for building trust and intimacy in a relationship.

Second, men can work to become more comfortable with emotions. This might involve seeking out emotional support from friends or family members or engaging in activities that promote emotional awareness, such as therapy or mindfulness practices.

Finally, it's important to recognize that everyone has different communication styles and needs. Some people may prefer a more active problem-solving approach, while others may just want to vent or be comforted. By communicating openly and honestly with their partners, men can better understand their partner's needs and preferences and work to meet them.

In conclusion, the tendency for men to try to "fix" things in relationships is often rooted in socialization, a desire to protect, and discomfort with emotions. However, by practicing active listening, becoming more comfortable with emotions, and communicating openly with their partners, men can build stronger and more fulfilling relationships.